Chronicles of Living. Sammy

Sammy. He was an unfortunate gentleman with sundowners dementia. Often he and his wife would bicker at lunch often ending with her lightly smacking him to the back of his noggin. In New York Italian culture, this was almost normal to me. Delaware nurses were appalled and cried "abuse". They were married around World War II, he a young soldier for the Italian army and she a young lovely Italian woman. Passion is in their bones. They love passionately and fiercly, and fight passionately and fiercely. But first was always love. He would at times be combative with her or staff, and often we kept him at the nurse's station to keep an eye on him.. ... oh and to be serenaded by him. In his sweetest Italian voice he'd place his hand on my cheek and sing a beautiful Italian song that Im sure the mrs. swooned for long before we ever met. Most nurses didn't want him in their care because of his erratic outbursts...generally, I rarely was the brunt of them. I often volunteered to take him and often denied help from our aides, as he often would lash out at too many people being near him when he had private issues being tended to.....like toileting. All too often his outbursts ended with "Vitamin A" (ativan-sedative)shot in the arse. Then one night it happened. He was crouching beside the bed yelling in Italian with what looked like an imaginary weapon aimed at the doorway. Screaming and waving me to get down, shooting his imaginary gun spraying bullets from side to side . I calmly introduced myself and tried to assure him I wasn't there to hurt him. He wasnt there..he was in Italy in a fight for his and his brothers' lives. I tried all my talking down techniques I could muster. AND then it happened, I hollered out to him something I heard my best friend say a million times, in fits of Italian rage..... little ittle bitlle, sweet Maria rage. ....cant be that bad, right??!!?? WRONG...... SO so wrong.... I shouted this out with an authoritative tone and immediately he froze.... looked at me in horror. But he stopped, followed all direction from that point forward. I was real pleased with myself. I got home and immediately relayed the story to my tiny sweet New York Italian friend and sh*t, immediately shock on her face....... then laughter.... I essentially told Sam to go f himself in the butt. 😕 lesson learned?? #1.dont speak languages I dont know. #2. his wife was a saint who endured years of loving a man who was tortured by memories of war and horror, before she had no other option but to have him taken care of at our long term care facility. She loved him none the less and probably often feared for him or herself but never gave up, true love and perseverance. #3. never ever feel like long term care is quitting or giving up, no matter the reason or necessity, often times it's impossible to do it alone.... it takes a village and nurses and aides who work there truly have a calling and are some of the best the medical profession has to offer.. I treasured my years of nursing growth at that facility and the one in Florida. Did I dream my career to be working with the elderly? Nope.... I wanted the exact opposite, I wanted to get my advanced degree and become a midwife. Am I glad that plan didn't pan out? Absolutely. After this incident with Sammy, I would come in alittle early, stay alittle late, and just sat. Sat and listened to his stories of the War, Italy, and his love story. I was jaded by my recent personal turn of events still, and "love" was as foreign a concept as I could imagine. My "fiance"* *remember young and dumb**always chose things over me, chose to work far away (when a completely comparable job was offered in my state😂) , then chose a home state halfway across the country, then bought a home without even mentioning it to me (while I was on the east coast planning a wedding).... the real kicker was when I was victimized he made it about him and how he was suffering and believe it or not those weren't even my final straw, it was his stance on never having children. At 21 I thought the idea sounded grand, then a friend unexpectedly became pregnant, and I asked him what if in like 8 years we want to have kids? The NO was firm and I was told if even by accident I would never have that child.(as I write this, I wonder how he and his wife and 6 kids are😂🤣😂...jk I have no clue what came of his life, I'm sure he grew up some though) LOVE wasnt real. But to Sammy it was. So real in fact he had a lifetime of stories to fill my ears and my heart. Love of family, his wife, their children. I was closer to believing it might be real, and maybe by a stretch... a big stretch... I'd find it some day.