Mom's groups. Aka, How to find out who of your mom friends, personally knows Satan.

Christina Nacchia
Jan 10, 2018
7 min read

“I am my career, I am a stay at home mom, and that is everything I AM “--- words posted on social media in a Mom’s group. Yup don’t do it, don’t go there. These groups are started generally with the best intent of bringing women together to collaborate on such trivial things as what to do on a monday at 1215pm that would be age appropriate, with a toddler, a 12 year old nephew, an infant, and 7.5 month pregnant mom. Now this kind of post would get about 336 responses. Seems great right? Then comes the estrogen…. This is where I beg you to move on, or do what I do, which is sit back with a bag of popcorn and screenshot that sh*t, and send them to my friends for a hearty laugh. Why is it women enjoy attacking eachother’s abilities, appearances, children, and drinking habits? I’ve seen a newly formed group turn so quickly. And quite honestly, the sociological aspects interest me. Everything starts off real positive, and by positive I mean like “ we won’t tolerate stiffling of people’s opinions, and we will have fun, bring eachother up and drink wine, we are fun “bad moms”.” Number one, why is it always “wine”, I prefer beer these days, I drank wine when I was in my late 20’s to seem mature and classy. I like beer, because I LIKE it, I don’t let society dictate what it is to be classy or mature. I’m neither of those, so I’ll keep drinking beer maybe with an occasional glass of wine at a steakhouse date night. Ok, off topic....my bad.... Now this initial positivity bred a lot of fun comments like mine of “ thank goodness, because the other moms group made me feel really scared for humanity but I couldn’t stop watching it go down” , gifs that included cuss words, and memes, it was great. Here we were all dedicated to bringing fun to eachother and bringing it real and keeping it positive. Now within a few hours it starts. First comment of disgusting behavior exhibited by women, is a comment on the original post of positivity. “ Can we just keep this group to just real “moms” ?” What.... The..... F$%k? So because your cervix let pass some unfortunate fellas semen and your superior uterus carried a child to term, this makes you superior in some sort of way??? HERE WE F*&king go….. Now I get my popcorn. My outrage is quiet, as I know if I call this 30 year something girl out on why she is SOOOOOO wrong, I will be instantly attacked by 764 of her friends, women who want to just argue, women who just want to attack my parenting because how can I love my children if I don’t see the difference between women who don’t push a child out their vagina (and I had mine by csection and I've personally heard criticisms of lazy birthing and missing on pivotal vagina bonding... well guess what? my child was at risk of dying and so was I, so I made the choice to put him and myself first AND yea poo poo on you my vag is still intact🤣) and a woman who merely is of child rearing age but childless and enjoys the company of women her age, or a woman who has step children she is loving as her own and helping raise with the complexities of dealing with their biological mother and her spouse(which let me add these are probably the most inspirational women and probably rank well above some of us who biologically had our children, they choose to love these children with all of their hearts and have to do deal with input from so many others and are judged so close to their hearts but continue on because their love is real, really real), women who want to fit shame me, or shame me for selling makeup. I could go on forever about women attacking eachother for hours, I have experienced all kinds of mean girl sh&t. So I sit back and eat popcorn. Yum yum yum… and I watch girls of like mindedness of myself try to spell it out to "idealist Jill", and the subsequent attacks. No one learns anything, no one takes anything away, Jill just goes on patting herself on the back and continuing on her life feeling only she deserves to be a part of special "Mom group" things. It’s sad, I want to go through life and learn and promote positivity. I want Jill to learn that it’s unfair and can be seen as diminutive and mean to exclude others from group things, including grown ass women. I’m sure if her child was left out of a group thing at class because she doesn’t own a certain doll, she’d be up in arms, and writing a post in this group, I speak of, and there would be 987 comments on how to handle it. This is why I hate mom groups, its ok to shame grown women. I ignore the page for about 20 hours, then comes the comment that sent me into a tiz and I couldn’t get my head straight for about 2 hours, then we had some beer and watched IT, and I decided I’ll deal with my thousands of words running around my head, in the morning. This sweet looking young woman comments on a post, and honestly the post doesn’t even matter it’s the statement that got me. But was a jab at another woman who stated a person's job doesn't define them. --- here goes nothin'---- “ My job is everything I am, I am a stay at home mom”. Number one on this topic let me start with, that’s awesome that you can financially and mentally stay at home. I admire the heck out of that, and think it’s great, and hard and selfless and truly wonderful, honestly. I respect all women, including SAHMs (for all intent and purposes I will abbreviate for the rest of this blog ** for those who aren’t familiar its s.tay a.t h.ome m.om.) , working moms, all moms… challenge me a woman who I can’t respect for any possible reason and I will find a positive, everyone can grow and learn and I honestly hope those who’ve made bad decisions or judgements, learn from them and become better human beings. But being a mom isn’t everything I am. And no one is a lesser human because you are a mom who holds her kids as her "everything".... mind you, important to reiterate, this was a shot at a mom who said, a person's job doesn't define them as a whole. Women who have careers love their kids just as much as a SAHM. I am a million things, like I can go on forever… but I’ll abbreviate for the sake of your reading. I am a daughter, a sister, a cousin, a grand daughter, a niece, a friend, a wife ( and yea I’ll get into that in another post) a dog mom, a cat mom, a nurse, a makeup sales lady (never saw that coming, but alas you find things that are amazing, you share those things), an aunt, a godmother, a confirmation sponsor, and a mom. I am lots of things and all these things are my life and I never want my children thinking that they make me who I am. I couldn’t even imagine the pressure of being someone’s “everything” would be. It’s suffocating, I imagine. We are complex humans made up of so many things and all these things, the good, the bad, the ugly make us whole. I am learning to better myself in my 40s and realize that some things, not so great happened in my life and made me somewhat emotionally distant… and I’m working on it… I promise. So maybe that’s why I was so perplexed by this comment, maybe it’s because I justify my own behavior. But I do tell my children every day that I love them, always kiss them goodbye (even for a trip to the grocery store). I even in anger, tell them I love them, but we need to work on together as a family, whatever behavior I am trying to understand and improve on. Am I a perfect parent? Nope, Am I a good parent? Maybe not, who knows, but my kids seem ok so far and I hope I am doing my best possible momming I can. But I do think calling my motherhood everything I am, excludes so much of my life. I don’t want my sons growing up under such pressure, and I want them to respect and not expect to be their future wife’s or husband’s “everything” because they’ll be let down for sure. I also feel like feeling like motherhood is your everything makes other aspects of your life become neglected… especially the “wife”, you… which I suspect is the reason for a large amount of divorces in this country. Some are just because the person is just not the right fit for you and not bringing the best of you out. But anyway again my relationship isn’t perfect, I suspect no one’s is, but I still try to be a wife and put that infront of my lists of priorities, like in the same line as my children. I would love to know if I’m being crazy in this thought. I love feedback and constructive criticism… not mean criticism, honest constructive stuff. Help me understand why some people feel that singularly their children are EVERYTHING. My sons are a HUGE part of me.... but everything? What then were you before they entered your universe? Were you insignificant? That makes me sad, like really sad.

Moral of my story....stay away from moms groups... Mom's are mean girls grown up and once in a while the Devil comes in the form of a cute little mom clique that will tear you and your reputation to shreds, for disagreeing with her recipe for Chorizo con Queso, being better than any restaurant. (or apple pie... whatever you choose....I like chorizo)