The Year of the Woman

Women. This is the year for women, I actually saw this on CNN, I think. Although I see lots of articles on there that I read in disbelief, mainly because the media is sh*t. The “me too” hashtag brought women out of their comfort zones and brought women to the red carpet in black dresses. Awesome. Is that really expected to fix what’s wrong with women in American society? To fix what’s wrong with the treatment of women in America? To stop rape and sexual assault of women in America? I’m going to say no. I’m going crazy trying to figure out my own personal issues with things that I’ve been responsible for in my life and marraige and it comes down to just reaching really deep… Anyway, working on it… hard. So Michael Ian Black, who’s actually a great stand-up, said in his act something that just resonates… He was discussing his parenting and how people addressed his children was so different by the sex of the child, and it bothered the crap out of him. His son was always “ awww look what a stout young lad!! “ His daughter, “awww isn’t she pretty, she’s gonna be trouble!!! “ . Like seriously, what the f&^k is that?? We wonder why women at an alarming rate have eating disorders and depression, why do we always refer to them by beauty? And why is it adorable to say a beautiful young woman is going to be “trouble”? Upon birth people think its totally appropriate to catagorize an infant as to beautiful or smart. We are all both, and need to get that into our heads. Are we all blessed with symetrical faces and 5”8 120lbs, no. And that’s not all that is beautiful, despite the media feeding us that BS. Beauty is different to everyone and should be celebrated by everyone. Men don’t get to dictate what is beautiful for everyone. Now as much as I love my wonderful husband, he is my nearest reference to use. I will comment on a woman’s beauty who may not fit into that media fed ideal, and he’ll say I am wrong. I am not wrong, I see beauty. He sees sexual desire. Not that he necessarily wants to have sex with other women, but that is the male driven psyche. They’re a whole ‘nother breed, in my eyes, but I understand it somewhat. And I think you do too. Whether it’s, as I’ve heard before, the Darwinist type theory of spreading the seed to keep the human race going. Or just overwhelming testosterone. But women letting men tell us what is beautiful and what isn’t, is definitely NOT what we should be doing. If this is the year of the woman one thing we need to start doing, is stopping the idealization of what is sexually desirable to some man or men. That “man” isn’t your ideal, how about that? Your ideal finds your beauty and celebrates it. Stop changing to fit. Stay healthy and be strong of body and mind, there’s nothing more beautiful than that. Women need to stop victim blaming and get to the route of the problem. I’ve seen people comment on that swimmer/dumpster rape case, and the foolish criminal who wants a new trial…. Which i can’t help but laugh at, good for him, he got off ridiculously easy … absurdly easy and he wants a new trial, he wants another shot at not being labeled “sex offender”, because why??? Because his male lawyer said the fact that they told the jury she was next to a dumpster (passed out on pavement in dirt and rubbish, being RAPED) made the sex seem dirty, but not necessarily non-consensual. But why do I say “good”??? I hope the new judge actually holds him to the sentencing he deserves, and not giving him the months long stint he had before for the crime he was PROVEN to have committed. Ok, enough of that…. I read women comment, “she shouldn’t have drank so much” “ she shouldn’t have gone to the party without a friend to watch over her” “ she should have woke up to the rape” “how could she not feel him in and on top of her?” . Now do I believe these comments are malicious and wrong? No not necessarily. I do think though that Monday morning quarterbacks, aren’t effective at all, but educating young women to safeguard themselves is. Let’s start a movement where we educate and lead eachother and help younger women value themselves more and safely avoid certain avoidable scenarios. I am guilty, I put myself in stupid situations, I idealistically always believe the best in people and often left myself in precarious situations and have done things I didn’t necessarily want to do, to avoid a dangerous escalation of events. Looking back alot of the current events of where women performed sexual acts and now scream afoul, I can identify. I had been guilty of this myself in college. One example is, I kissed some guy who was friends with my larger group of guy friends because we were alone in my dorm room watching a movie, and I knew if I didn’t give in to the advancements, his anger was growing and I was defenseless, unless beating him with a tomato in my fridge would do the trick, the situation was hopeless. I knew if I didn’t give in to that, he possibly could’ve taken what he wanted anyway. I knew if I gave him hope for some future meeting, he’d leave and I could avoid him for the rest of that semester. Was it the right thing to do? For me I think it was, but others would say it wasn’t. Some would even go as far to call it sexual assaut, it was not. I chose to kiss him, to keep things from excalating. Do I regret it? Nope. I am safe and alive, I learned to not just trust a man, because men I did truly trust, knew him. My core group of male friends at college never hit on me, or treated me as anything other than a girl, they liked hanging around. I learned a false sense of security and trust because of these respectful bunch of dudes…. That seems dumb to say, because why shouldn’t we trust men as being respectful, genuinely kind fellas? Welp because overwhelmingly time and time again, I’ve befriended males and my friendship is taken for granted and then comes the physical advances. So better to be utmost cautious. I never leave my purse unattended on the back of the chair at a diner, I won’t leave my vagina in a room alone with a man other than my husband, either. I need to stress education to women that being in a situation where you can be trapped is not safe. Let’s educate ourselves and young women, that men can be non violent, but maybe keeping in mind that they all have potential to be violent, will keep some women safer. Let’s not victim shame victims, but educate and lead everyone else. Women are so mean to eachother and divisive. I have seen it more now in adulthood than I did even in high school. Although in high school I was quite the loner. I knew people but I didn’t go hang out with people, mainly because of being a scared girl in a controlling relationship with a boyfriend in college. But anyway women think its totally fine to judge and be rude to one another on social media and in their little group gatherings. They say they want to uplift one another and pretty quickly it turns. I’ve rarely seen this behavior among men. Men, generally go about their business and judge their successes by themselves, not by what John in the next cubicle thinks. 

   Why do women want acceptance and praise from eachother, and in that search for such, find the exact opposite? I’m guilty. Sooooo guilty. I’ve definitely had friendships with women that soured with time, and I would blame myself and my own behavior as the sole reason for the breakdown. I chose self blame and never just realized, it just wasn't meant to be and our friendship played out it's role in my timeline and it's completely fine to not be accepted.  A woman who choses non acceptance and doesn’t seek acceptance is a deemed a “bitch” and quite often your boss. She gets things done and does it unapologetically. Now, I don’t care about pushing myself on people and won’t do it. I will be nice and extend courtesy, which is universal to everyone. I like to put out positivity and get positivity in return, but I will not chase for acceptance any longer. On the other end of the spectrum, I am guilty as well as working past nasty people and still being friendly and ignoring the nasty. I generally believe one person in my life who displayed nasty behavior behind my back, was not doing so maliciously, I think she honestly would just believe it wasn’t mean. But it was, it was awful, and worse untrue. But I choose to move on and not allow that to destroy my faith in myself. I live my life on my terms and won’t allow anyone to take that away from me, like me, love me, or hate me, I am ME. I like me, alot. I have no need to please everyone or beg for invites. I am trying to learn more things about myself to improve my most important relationships in my life, not anyone else. I don’t know how to improve our womanhood and make us better and make the year 2018, the year of the woman, but intrinsically it’s a long f*&king road and we need to start somewhere, just where, is the question. I’m starting with kicking the social media habit of “mom’s groups”. I toyed with the idea of starting a fun group without criticisms, but if I invite bunches of women, it’s doomed from the start, so I’ll just keep out of it. I’d love to forge on new friendships with women, but often I’m left disappointed and discouraged. So what’s the answer, I have no idea, I do hope someone figures it out. I don’t see myself as a feminist, as I love being feminine. I do enjoy what being a woman affords me in life.  I get to dress up and feel pretty….bringing it back to the beginnning, is that just because I’ve been told to be that, pretty? No because I do intrinsically enjoy it, so I don’t care. But I hope women can stop being judgey little bishes and celebrate eachother more, and stay safe from creeps. In the meantime, I’ll keep up with my current girls and build on that.