The Good The Bad and The Difficult To Get Along With

As the holidays approach, I’ve heard time and time again difficulties with coordinating family activities and gatherings. The difficulties start with when and where, and end with personality mismatches. I am blessed enough that my family is fairly laid back and for the most part we get along well. We’ve had our arguments over “what’s for dinner”, but overall we get along. My inlaw family is the same but can be alittle more complex due to the non stop gatherings from the eve, to the morning, to the dinner. Which is exhausting to say the least. We are barely home before we have to go again.  But my kids enjoy the days and nights so we attend it all, for now. 

 My years growing up, we saw my one grandmother usually the week before the holiday. Then Christmas eve we spent at home putting up the tree and watching Christmas movies. The night of Christmas we would go to my other grandparents house and there would be a huge amount of food and people around. It took me a while to figure out that it’s expected to bring a food item to a gathering… hahahaha. We hosted parties we provided the food and or cake.  It wasn’t until one holiday that I walked into a conversation where people were complaining that someone never brings any dishes to the gatherings. It sucked because I knew that I wasn’t always consistent with bringing things either. Also it sucked to know that even in family, people can be cruel and talk behind your back, instead of telling you to your face, so you can fix the problem. And I love the person they were annoyed with so that made it even worse. (probably because we are so similar, "non bringing food" and all.) I am upfront and if something is disappointing me, I say it. Drives my husband nuts, but I’d rather someone know upfront so they can fix it or just know that I was disappointed, instead of bottling it up for some future situation/argument. I hold friends and family to the same standard, but often, way too often, I see that it isn’t the case. I find it time and time again. I walk into conversations that were hushed because someone noticed me walking in. I’ve had the experience of getting the old compliment-insult. I probably will never really understand how someone can call themselves a friend but make fun of you or gossip about you. I guess it comes down to people just being themselves, and maybe that part of themselves is a tad unsavory but I like to believe overall they’re good people, just with a shitty habit.  

The other day I got a compliment-insult and I just answered back with a genuine compliment. The person probably believed what they were saying was a compliment, or maybe they didn’t, but either way I won’t stoop to the level of hurling insults back or drawing their attention to the fact that they did insult me. Because either way if they meant it, then they’ll be satisfied with their reaction they got, or if they didn’t, it would upset them. So in the end, I take it and turn it into positive. I will withdraw from those situations in the future, and keep my head above it. Being in direct sales, I never saw myself selling anything, nevermind posting on social media consistently to engage customers or sales. I’d easily say before my days selling makeup and skincare, selfies never happened, and now it’s almost a requirement. But it works. I get sales and improve people’s lives with great products. But with that comes the negative. There's shitty people who watch my posts just to make fun or criticize. I know they’re doing it, and I NEED to not care. It sucks that people can be that way, but alas they are. What’s important is my husband and kids are ok with it. My husband is definitely my biggest supporter. He uses the products I give him and engages in my social media. He’s supported my days doing vendor events, and prints out my shipping labels daily. He also is my makeup mule when someone near his office needs products and they want to pick up there. It’s easy to fall into the trap and start feeling bad about myself after a direct insult. But I won’t. I’m a stubborn bitch and if I put my mind to something, I generally do it. And when I started this journey I committed to it and have participated in tons of social media training. And it’s known that with your supporters, along comes the denouncers. Unfortunately some pose as friends. It’s just better to ignore the negative and plow through. Because at the end of it, there are more people who cheer you on and your successes. I opened myself up to it, so I can’t place blame, just accept it. I enjoy positivity and cheerleaders. I avoid negativity and naysayers. But when confronted with the bad, I try my hardest to turn it positive. You can never change someone and their mean girl shit, but maybe sometime it will sink in, if I keep shoving the positive in. Maybe not. Either way at the end of the day I am happy to feel confident in my own skin and happy that I put out positive to the universe. I didn’t always have that confidence, and I don’t always have it still, but I choose to push away the negative thoughts. It took me a Hell of a long time to get here, and I'm damn proud I no longer starve myself or hide behind frumpy baggy clothes. I still, and probably always will, struggle with body image, but I do my best to proactively work toward improving that. I try to eat healthy and workout. I take care of my skin with the best skincare I can find. I play with makeup now… never did before, but now I’m thoroughly enjoying it!! I still know not every reaction is positive and that’s ok. I am ok. I am worthy of happiness and success. Believe that for yourself too. Even if it means saying it over and over again, believe it!! Be your own kind of beautiful. We come in all shapes and sizes. We have different styles and tastes. But alas what a beautiful world we live in to have such diversity and differences. Believe in yourself and if you ever need that cheerleader, I’ll be it. ----I did a few months on a cheer squad back in elementary school. I might not know the routine, but I can still psych you up for the day. You are beautiful. You are everything someone else wants to be. You are smart, kind, and intelligent. You have the ability to inspire. The meanies probably had some pretty negative shit in their lives that affects who they are today, I won’t be the next negative. So get out there and try it, try complimenting a negative nelly and see how good it feels. Go out there and bring forth your best self. Take pride and be confident in what you do, because you answer to yourself. And always always, offer to bring a dish to a party even if you stink at cooking, bring salad, like I do. ;)